Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize