So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
honey bunches of taint.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
