even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
