How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
