remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
