He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
