I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
