Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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