I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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