you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
