I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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