every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
