Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
