she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
