She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
