apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
a search helicopter?!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
