I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I need a burrito and a hug.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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