Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can you repeat that, but with context?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
