he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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