You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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