Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
