so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
