Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
