Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Damn victory sex feels great
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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