I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
