i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize