four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
