the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
