I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
