I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
