I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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