Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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