My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
