Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
50% drunk capacity currently
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
