She is in my trunk
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
