I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
