And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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