I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
