i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
