You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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