How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
