Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
