dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize