Your dad touched me again.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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