How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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