i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
