in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Randomize
