ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize