Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
