The best revenge is premature balding
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
