no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
