stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
