he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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