I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
