I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize