there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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