i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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