Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
