Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
