you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
