So drunk its hurt
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
