I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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