I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Randomize
