So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
