Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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