Who wears a wallet chain?!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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