Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
