no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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