did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
