have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
