We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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