cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
