So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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