I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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