sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
