if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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