We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
