I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
