his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sorry my hands just texted you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize