saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
