his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
