I got chris browned last night
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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