She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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