You can't motorboat a personality
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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