Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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