Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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