We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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