how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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