I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize