Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
