I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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