you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
