Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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