Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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