look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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