I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
