tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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