Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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