I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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