plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
