you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
