a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I looked at my own cervix.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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