Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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