you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize