Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
