shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think people are normalizing furries
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
