Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
