nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
