i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize