Im at strip club and am horny
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
