people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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