My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just blew my weed a kiss
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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