Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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