She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
