Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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