Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
