last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
