D3 body, D1 cock
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize